Unforced Errors

“The greatest mistake is to imagine that we never err”

– Thomas Carlyle

As a kid who had recently left then small-town Fort Collins to move to L.A., there were several eye-opening pitfalls and perks of living in a much bigger city. One of the latter was watching the now-hometown L.A. Dodgers vie for the ’74 pennant with a killer club, including a hotshot outfielder batting .314 named Billy Buckner.

Billy wasn’t with the Dodgers much longer, and as he moved to the Cubs, he converted to a first baseman right about the time he also started going by Bill. Bill had a lengthy and illustrious career, one that saw him with several incredible achievements. Though he never earned a Gold Glove, he set the MLB record for first base assists several times over the course of his career, and his 185 in 1985 is still the AL record. Buckner never struck out more than twice in a game, and never struck out more than 40 times in a season. He won a batting title. He was an All-Star. He played in four unique decades, becoming the 21st player to ever do so. He retired with the fourth-most assists by a first baseman (1,351) in MLB history, even though he didn’t fully convert to the spot until he was 27. He may never end up a Hall of Famer, but he had an impressive and scintillating career.

But none of that is what he’s known for, is it?

If you have even a modicum of baseball knowledge or live anywhere near the greater Boston area, you know Buckner for one particular play in the 1986 World Series:

Buckner let Boston’s best chance at a title since 1918 slip right through his wickets. The play was one of several that cost the Sox a chance to banish the Curse of the Bambino, but it was far and away the most memorable. The usually reliable first baseman simply snags that ball and gets to the bag, and the title is theirs.

Buckner found himself the focal- and flash-point of a hurtful and angry side of a fan base. A huge portion of the crowd heckled Buckner for years after the “boot”, but an even darker and smaller portion went so far as death threats and terrifying harassment. A single error had turned Buckner’s sterling reputation into one of the most unfortunately memorable plays in baseball history.

A few days ago I was in a big hurry to get from Cheyenne to Fort Collins to meet a friend for lunch and realized I could use some gas. I ducked into an unfamiliar station, as my usual spot up there was closed for repairs. I filled up quickly, thankfully remembered to take the pump out of the car, and got on my way. It was around Wellington that the car started to shudder a little bit. And then a little bit more.

The trouble seemed particularly strange, as I’d been driving the vehicle for a couple months, and it had been running like a top. I was trying to take particularly good care of it, as it isn’t mine. The shudder reminded me of a time in my life when I’d worked for several years behind the counter of a gas station and seen a guy in a convertible Porsche accidentally fill his tank with…

Uh oh.

I reached in my pocket, and pulled out the receipt I’d also remembered to grab. Halfway down the receipt, it read:

#2 Diesel

My borrowed car was decidedly not a diesel. I was nearly 40 miles into my journey, with another 20 to go. I’d made a massive error. The car limped to my lunch destination. I was decidedly poor company as I began the process of kicking my own ass, instead of celebrating the birthday of a friend. My friend was kind enough to blame my mistake on some sizable stressors in my life, and even kinder to follow me to a local garage with his hazards on, as I barely made it into the lot before the car choked and died. Quick research told me that the best something to do with a gas-engine car you’ve accidentally filled with diesel is to NEVER EVER START IT. And if you’re dumb enough to do so, don’t EVER EVER DRIVE IT. I was about 60 miles past either of those bits of wisdom, and the worst-case scenario was that the car might be a complete and total loss. A car that again, isn’t mine.

As I waited for news about how bad my error had been, I spent a fair bit of time filleting myself. Thinking about the possible cost of my mistake pulled a thread that devolved into a spiral of a fairly unfortunate and unproductive 24 hours.

Mistakes of a sizable caliber can certainly stick with you over time, and leave their mark. When asked about his career-defining error in 2011 by the New York Times, Buckner said the same.

“You can never really forget it because it comes up all the time,” he said. “I’m a competitive guy, so it’s something I didn’t enjoy. But for some reason, the stars were all lined up just right for the Mets that year, and here we are, 25 years later, still talking about it.

But Buckner turned his tragedy into a functioning part of his life, and then a positive part of his life. Mookie Wilson, the Mets player who hit the ball that Buckner booted, formed a 30-plus year friendship with Bill that transcended their mutual spot in history. Buckner continued to play until the early 90’s, slowly turning the narrative about him around, to go out with a very different sentiment from fanbases across the league. Bill continually took the slings and arrows thrown his way, and turned them back into positives along his path. When asked by the Boston Globe in 2003 how he’d made his way forward from such a negative moment, Buckner gave some exceptional perspective.

“There could be somebody in my shoes who would think that life sucks. I chose to look at it that life is great. You can make those choices. Everyone in life has things that don’t go according to plan.”

Everyone in life has things that don’t go according to plan. Halle-freaking-lujah. Turns out that the car can be salvaged from its diesel adventure. It wasn’t the cheapest lesson, but it also could have been far, far more expensive, both in terms of dollars and sense. I was able to let the person who was kind enough to allow me to borrow it know that while I may be stretched a little thin, I didn’t cost them their transportation. I have a little more making right to do, but can at least make them whole.

Just as meaningful, while it’s important to own up to your mistakes and correct them, there’s also a point of turning it that ass-kicking back around into something more positive. While I’m still stinging from my moment of inattention and stupidity, I’ve also realized that I cost myself even more with how much I let it take me to some pretty unproductive places. I see a pattern in that and in some much larger mistakes I’ve made over the course of my life. A pattern I truly hope to change.

Everyone in life had things that don’t go according to plan. How you take those moments and turn them into something more productive and positive about yourself is the real test. Don’t forget, whatever mistake you’ve made, whatever unforced error you’ve committed, it can be turned around. Even easier, it hopefully wasn’t a mistake of the scale of Buckner’s, committed in front of a rabid fanbase and millions of TV watchers in the bargain. Your mistake? Just a moment in your timeline that is hopefully meant to teach you something. No matter how tough it seems in the moment, there is something good to be found on the far side. As hard as it seems to believe, some day you may be grateful you made that mistake.

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

– Confucius