Just Like Your Father

“You’re just like your father.”

My aunt was decidedly not saying it as a compliment the other night as we sat and argued about politics, but when she dragged my recently deceased dad into the conversation, we both got a little choked up, and ended up laughing quickly.

It’s true. I’m a lot like my old man. I tend to be opinionated, hard-headed, and occasionally decide I cannot keep my mouth shut at the very worst of moments. But there are also a dozen assets of his I am thrilled to have in my arsenal. Even when not thrown out as a compliment, I puff out my chest when compared to my Pop.

So when news came of Brendan Malone’s passing this week, my heart broke for his entire family, especially his wife, kids, grandkids, and the hundreds and hundreds of players whose lives he touched as a coach over the years. Of course, the part of that family that immediately leapt to mind was Denver Nuggets head coach Michael Malone, who speaks easily and often of his dad. Years ago, when we’d gotten a chance to chat, as expansive and generous as Malone was in every answer, he definitely had the most to say about his dad, who he was often compared to.

“I grew up in a gym, I grew up with a ball,” said Malone. “As one of six children – for whatever reason, I can’t tell you why – me and my father were very close from an early age. I can remember people always telling me, ‘you’re just like your father’. I heard that especially from my grandmother, his mother. My father and I had the same interests, the same personality, just a lot of things. We share a common passion with the game of basketball. I remember, from a young age, I was like his shadow. If he was in a gym, I was in a gym.

When he moved into college at Syracuse University with Jim Boeheim, if my father was recruiting in the city, I was along with him in the gym. I remember seeing Kenny Smith, Mark Jackson, Pearl Washington, all these amazing players, by going to all of his games. I loved it, and it was all I knew, being in the gym and being with my father. I almost compare it to me being an apprentice, and just watching him work every day. Watching his work ethic, commitment, sacrifice, and his time away from my mother. I mean, my mother raised six kids. Not that my father was an absent father, but he worked hard. He had six mouths to feed, so he worked, he sacrificed, and he had a passion for the game. He’s still working in the NBA (this interview was in 2016), having been in the league over 30 years now, and it’s all he knows, it’s a part of him.”

It’s both an advantage and a burden to be the chip-off-the-old block in a family, with you path both predetermined and in a shadow. To his credit, the elder Malone did try to warn his son both out of the business and then out of having a family if he ended up pursuing the old man’s footsteps.

“I feel fortunate to be a son of a coach and a son of a teacher because not only did he set a great example for me and show me the path, he even tried to talk me out of it,” said Malone. “He did it because he knew how tough and demanding this job is. But once he saw that I had this passion, and was willing to do whatever it took to get ahead and advance, then he said to me, ‘Listen, you’re going to be a great coach, as I can tell you love it. But just don’t get married, because it’s really hard on your family.’

So then I got married. And had kids. And he said, ‘I have no more advice for you, because you don’t listen to anything I say.’ “

While laughing while he said it, Michael obviously took most everything his dad said to heart, especially when it came to life and the game they both loved. He talked especially about how much they simply talked, and what was at the heart of what they were doing.

“One of the best things he’s passed along to me is that the best coaches aren’t just coaches. The best coaches are teachers. I’ve really taken that to heart. Anybody can coach, and tell a guy what to do, but can they explain the ‘why’. Can they tell a player why they’re doing what you’re asking of them. I’ve taken a lot of things from my father over many years. He’s a source of constant advice. I lean on him, and we talk.”

I understand that instinct. I think most all of us can, especially as you come to understand the wisdom your parents bring to a situation. My heart hurts for Coach Mike as he keeps fighting off that immediate instinct to pick up a phone, and reality just keeps hitting home. A few months before my old man passed, he got to see me achieve one of the dreams of my life, and it was something I can never replace. So grateful Brendan got to see Michael achieve on of their shared dreams before he set off ahead on another adventure. Something neither he nor his son can ever replace. Godspeed, Brendan Malone. Your son, and probably many more of your amazing family, are just like you.