“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”

– Martin Luther King, Jr.

Several years back, my at-the-time-wife and I had a group of friends over to go out and do some Christmas caroling over the holidays. There were over a dozen of us there, laughing and prepping for our evening out in the elements. I grabbed a box of candles from our wedding, which had had a black-and-white theme. I figured the half-used tapers were perfect for our walks through the neighborhood, as it wouldn’t matter if they got lost or used up. I knelt down and started reaching in the box, grabbing and tossing a candle to each singer. As I finished up, a nervous laugh rippled through the room. I looked up to see what had happened.

It took me a second to recognize. My one guest of color, a Black man who I dearly love, was the only person I’d thrown a white candle to. All the others had gotten a black candle. It was completely unintentional, I’d not even been looking at the colors of the candles I was grabbing, let alone who I was tossing them up to. And still I was mortified. I swapped his candle quickly, apologizing and reassuring him I’d had no intention of such a thing. He was generous and kind, reassuring me more that he knew I’d had no ill intent.

And still, as everyone else started getting back to their preparations, I noticed that my friend had slipped out onto the patio for a moment. I stepped out to join him.

He was leaning over the rail, looking down into the parking lot, and I leaned right in next to him. I apologized profusely, and told him I felt terrible. He yet again reassured me that he knew my intentions were pure. He said he didn’t want to seem oversensitive in the room, but that none of us there had any idea of some of the terribly racist moments he’d faced in his lifetime. He said it was hard to find the line of when to take offense, and when to understand it was simply people who didn’t know any better. We went back in, and the whole crew had a wonderful evening singing carols to neighbors.

The next night, I had my friend back over for dinner to hear more of his story. He was right. I’d had no idea the intense and awful discrimination he had faced. I was, and still am, so grateful for his friendship, candor, and generosity. I still cringe at the memory every time I see a white taper.

When Colin Kapernick and Eric Reid sued the NFL for its discriminatory practices a few years back, they found themselves in a difficult spot, amongst a large group of players deeply divided on the topic, and in need of a way to earn a living. When the league agreed to settle for an undisclosed amount with the two players, it was probably for far less than the 10 million they had originally sued for. Kap and Reid were out of work, and needed to get on with things. The league knew as much, and paid what it took to make it all go away. With that settlement, the stink of the league’s record on discriminatory practices was pushed off to another day.

Brian Flores will not go away so easily.

The Miami Dolphins recent coach has filed a lawsuit against the league and a few of its teams, including the Denver Broncos, detailing a pattern of falsehoods and discrimination from a number of teams over the years, and his allegations have given rise to stories from other coaches of color who have suffered from similar issues over the years. Whether or not every allegation proves to be true, there’s a growing mountain of evidence that will certainly be hard to fully disprove. And given the sheer numbers of coaches, owners, and execs at the top of the league’s 32 teams who are not of color and the math behind it all, the NFL has a real problem on its hands.

The NBA has made more inroads on this particular issue, with 16 of the leagues’ 30 coaches being men of color. But basketball has struggled to raise another population to it’s highest ranks, after bringing in several talented women to the assistant coaching ranks, only to never see one ascend to the top tier. Former CSU hoops star and Spurs assistant Becky Hammon has finally given up for the time being on several passes from NBA teams to take on the top job at the WNBA’s Las Vegas Aces. While the NBA is rightfully lauded for their progress in this area, it still seems to come with a glass ceiling for some of their candidates.

It’s true almost anywhere you look. Soccer, hockey, baseball, hell, even lacrosse… There are people being discriminated against who deserve a shot at something they won’t be getting a shot at any time soon. But maybe it’s time for that to change. Maybe it’s time that who you are, what you bring to the table, and what you are capable of is finally the most important thing in whether or not you get the gig.

Whether you believe there is a massive equality problem in sports or not, the numbers behind the issues are deeply hard to ignore. There are still so many steps to take to get to anything close to parity. To equality. As we find ourselves in the midst of another year’s Black History Month, isn’t it time to stop talking about making things fair, and truly start taking steps in that direction? The scales have been weighted for so long. Isn’t it time they were truly equal?

“The history of the past is but one long struggle upward to equality.”

-Elizabeth Cady Stanton