We need to talk about the Butt Fumble

Folks, we need to talk about the Butt Fumble.

Wow, it’s hilarious. I mean, wow, what?

Let’s break this down, this man ran full speed into his own teammate’s bottom as if he wasn’t even there, like, how did he not see him? Hoo boy, then he just dropped the ball and it went the other way for six! Whoa, wow, unbelievable.

It’s so good it deserves a Sports Science where they reveal he ran into the OL with like 1,300 pounds of force or something. Oh, that happened.

It’s so amazing it deserves its own silent film. Yeah, covered that too.

And how awesome would it be if Sanchez had a quote about it, in which he basically reflected exactly how we all felt. Something along the lines of, “I was like, ‘Whoa. What just happened?’ Then, the ball’s gone. It was weird, man. That sucked.” If you’re into patterns, you probably realize that that was an actual quote.

It’s such an important piece of history it deserves a 2,500-word Wikipedia page.

It’s so funny it deserved to be SportsCenter’s “Worst of the Worst” for 40-straight weeks, only stopped when ESPN had to make and an executive decision to retire it.

“The ‘Butt Fumble’ has won the ‘Not Top 10’ each week since last Thanksgiving, and we’re not sure anything could top it,” Senior Coordinating Producer Mark Summer actually said.

Wait, maybe we don’t need to talk about it, then? Maybe the Thanksgiving thud has been feasted on down to its carcass? Maybe literally every funny joke about it has been done? Maybe it’s not even funny anymore?

Nah, who am I kidding, it’s still hilarious. Just watch.

Okay, okay but seriously all that other stuff was true. While the Butt Fumble itself will always be funny, all the jokes about it are played out, they’re almost less funny than calling Brock Osweiler “Brent.”

The Butt Fumble itself can be pretty proud of how long it lasted. In 2016, we run something like that into the ground in like 15 minutes, see: Roughned Odor-Jose Bautista memes. Butt Fumble jokes were funny for years, it was probably the funniest thing that happened in 2012 but “Call Me Maybe” was the best-selling single of 2012, we should probably let it die like that horrible, horrible song.

Folks, maybe we need to not talk about the Butt Fumble.

(Lol, but seriously watch this.)

In conclusion, the Butt Fumble is not funny anymore but it’s also still hilarious. I hope this very serious column has provided you with closure on this very serious issue.