We at BSN Denver refuse to leave the Colorado Rockies out of tonight’s Oscar festivities and as such, have put together out own very important and elite Academy of deciding important things. The following are the absolutely definitive and not-at-all-subjective selections by this all-knowing committee, a committee that apparently never learned that you don’t hand out awards before any game are played.
I would love to offer you a fancy musical number or some tasteful but edgy comedy touching on the topics of the day and the nominees tonight, but instead i’ll just offer my best fake smile introduce the categories and get back to returning this tux I rented.
And the nominees (with winners in bold) are:
Best Hair and Makeup:
Best Special Effects:
Arenado Web Gems
Carlos Gonzalez third-deck shots
DJ LeMahieu’s contact ability
Adam Ottavino’s Slider
Best Set Design:
Coors Field
Not Coors Field
Best Musical Score:
Charlie Blackmon – Tonight
Carlos Gonzalez – Whatever Reggaetón song he picks this year
DJ LeMahieu — Turn Down For What?
Best Actor in a Leading Role:
Nolan Arenado – as MPV
Jon Gray – as Cy Young
Bud Black – as The Manager
Greg Holland – as Lockdown Closer
Best Actor in a Supporting Role:
Charlie Blackmon – as Co-MVP
Carlos Gonzalez – as Veteran Leader
DJ LeMahieu – as The Stalwart
Tyler Anderson – The Bulldog
Trevor Story – The Phenomenon
David Dahl – The Rookie
Best Direction:
“Getting Greg Holland”
“The Ian Desmond Acquisition”
“This Bud’s For You: The Bud Black Story”
Uhhhh … “Mike Dunn”
Best Costume Design:
The New Purple Uniforms
The Old Purple Uniforms
Literally all other uniforms
Best Script:
“Rocktober: A Decade Later”
“The Same Old Story”
