Denver Broncos: The Farce Awakens

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

Uttered several times in the first six Star Wars movies, not many of the people patiently waiting for the new Star Wars movie, the Force Awakens, are saying that about this newest installment.

In fact, it’s nearly unanimous that the release of a new Star Wars movie, 10 years after the culmination of the uneven prequels, is met with widespread adoration.

But while I’m wildly excited for Star Wars, there are some who don’t care for it. And I’m like that small minority, except I’m not excited about another popular topic around the state of Colorado: The Denver Broncos

The phrase “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” epitomizes how I feel about the Denver Broncos season going forward.

In the next few days, you will know how well the Force Awakens has been received and in about the same amount of time, you will know how far down the crapper, the Broncos season will have gone.

This season has been like the Star Wars movies. The first few games were like the original movie: Against all odds and on the edge of our seats because of the exciting games, the defense continually pulled the team’s fat from the fire in the last seconds before going 7-0. Laying waste to all comers, it was like they had blown up a personal Death Star.

Then the darker, more uncertain tone of the Empire Strikes back took hold as the offensive struggles became as unpleasant as a night out on Hoth. The defense was still good, but like the ambush in Cloud City, we knew the good times wouldn’t last. And if the Colts game was where Han Solo was tortured by Darth Vader, the Chiefs game was definitely when he was frozen in Carbonite and taken away to his doom.

But then just like the beginning of Return of the Jedi, the team was triumphant with Brock Osweiler taking over. We didn’t know what to expect from his first start, but he won despite many thinking the odds were too great to overcome. Much like Luke Skywalker walking into Jabba’s palace and demanding his friends back. In this scenario, John Fox is Jabba.

But now we’re in the prequels. The Raiders game was pure Jar Jar Binks and the match up with the Steelers will probably be the entire Attack of the Clones movie: spotty, kind of lame and disappointing. And the eventual stumble to the playoffs will be Revenge of the Sith with Darth Vader comically yelling “Noooooo!” when it’s all said and done.

But there is hope with the new film that it will revitalize the beloved space epic and put it foremost in our minds again. But will the Broncos season be revitalized the same way?

I’m going to have to echo the sentiments of a newly minted Darth Vader and say “Nooooooo!”

This team is a horrific mess and if they keep limping along like they are, they’re going to get murdered in cold blood in the playoffs like Greedo in the cantina. And we all know Han shot first. After all, he immediately starting shooting at Vader in Cloud City, so why wouldn’t he gun down a hired goon in Mos Eisley?

I was full steam ahead on the Brock ‘n Roller Coaster when Osweiler took the reins a few weeks back. Seeing his improvement over the course of the preseason, I expected him to make everyone forget about Peyton Manning and make this team his own.

But now, if he’s healthy, it’s only a matter of time before Manning gets his job back and that should have Broncos fans worried. To be fair, if Osweiler kept the job, you should be worried as well, because the team just looks flaccid with either QB under center. It’s not really any of their faults, it’s just the grim reality that we’re facing: the Broncos offense is not very good.

Everyone knows that the offensive line is absolute garbage and there is simply no way this team will succeed no matter who the QB is. It’s sad like when the Ewok dies in Return of the Jedi and the other Ewok tries to wake him up.

I had a bad feeling about this season when they kept winning despite poor QB play because it’s completely unsustainable. The Broncos would have a 10 point lead but I’d have to keep reminding myself that they did indeed have the lead because a significant feeling of dread that hung over every one of these games. Dread like we all felt when Luke went into that tree on Dagobah, fought Darth Vader and saw his own face in the helmet. The Broncos have had a vision too and it doesn’t involve Brock’s head in Peyton’s helmet. But it does involve the team being one and done in the playoffs yet again.

Blowing up the Death Star was a one in a million shot and that’s about what the Broncos have to even make it to the second round of the playoffs this year. I’ve got a good feeling about the Force Awakens, but a bad one about the final three Broncos games and beyond. My lack of faith may be disturbing, but the fact that anyone has faith in this team right now is even more so.