Every season, there are a handful of players who make or break your fantasy team. Every year, guys emerge who not only went undrafted, but were completely unknown. These are the guys on whom you take a shot with your coveted waiver wire position. Sometimes they don’t pan out, like when everyone picked up Fred Jackson when he was signed by Seattle only to be outdone by undrafted rookie Thomas Rawls (While Marshawn Lynch was hurt). Sometimes they look like a brilliant move at first, like James Jones, who averaged 12.5 points in his first six games, but has scored 0, 5, 0 (respectively) in his last three games. And sometimes, on those rare occasions, they carry your team to the tune of being the number one fantasy running back. I’m speaking, of course, about Devonta Freeman. This guy rushed for 18 yards on ten caries in week one and was listed as the number two back on Atlanta’s depth chart behind Tevin Coleman. Coleman went down in week 2, opening the door for Freeman. Since then, the former Florida State standout has never scored less than double-digits from a fantasy standpoint. He went from being undrafted in the vast majority of fantasy football leagues to the savior of any team willing to give him a chance. He went from number 2 on his team to number 1 in the NFL.

Every team has an MVP on the field, but what about fantasy MVPs? Fear not, for I have taken it upon myself to analyze each and every single team in the league and provide you with who I believe to be their fantasy MVP.

Arizona Cardinals: Right out of the gate, we begin with an extremely difficult decision. This could go to the 3rd-ranked defense that averages just under 10 points per game, but that’s not enough of an impact for me, especially considering they were a highly-touted defense to begin with. It could go to Carson Palmer, the 4th-ranked fantasy quarterback, but anyone who paid attention to how good he was last season expected the former Heisman winner to be explosive with so many weapons. It could certainly go to Chris Johnson, who was cast off from the Jets and written off as “done for.” Still, it is difficult for me to hand an MVP award to a guy who ranks outside of the top 10 at his position. That is why I must present the Arizona Cardinals Fantasy MVP trophy to Larry Fitzgerald. Fitz is playing like his old, record-breaking self, averaging 13 fantasy points per game and ranking 5th at his position. He has scored double-digit points five times in nine games and two of those were 20+ performances. He has come at great value because in most drafts, he wasn’t even the first Cardinals receiver taken. That “honor” went to Michael Floyd. If you were savvy enough to know how good Fitz is when Carson Palmer is throwing him the ball, then you were smart enough to draft him and play him in every single game. Congratulations, Larry Fitzgerald.

Atlanta Falcons: When I preview this kind an article with one specific guy, there’s a good chance he ends up on the list. Devonta Freeman is not only the Atlanta Falcons Fantasy MVP, but also (as of now) the NFL Fantasy MVP. Only seven players have scored more points than him and they are all quarterbacks. He has scored 40 more fantasy points than Adrian Peterson, who ranks second at that position (And that’s following a week in which Peterson scored 27 and Freeman was on a bye). He has also scored 29 more points than the top-ranked wide receiver, Antonio Brown (Who is also coming off of a 27-point performance while Freeman was on a bye). This is a no-brainer. Congratulations, Devonta Freeman.

Baltimore Ravens: Another tough one, mostly because the team has been so bad. It would have been Steve Smith, Sr., but he was recently put on season-ending IR. If it’s not Smith, then it was to be (groan) Justin Tucker. Yes, really. Kicker is a position we completely disregard until your kicker is on a bye week. Still, there’s nothing sweeter than your kicker scoring 15-20 fantasy points (something Tucker has done three times) and winning you your matchup. You’re going to be tempted to look at his point totals, which is fine, all I ask is that you ignore the fact that he only scored 1 fantasy point last week against the Jags. Take that away, and he’s averaging 10.25 points per game, which would be good for 3rd at his position. Congratulations, Justin Tucker. (And in case you’re wondering, this is absolutely an indictment on the rest of their team).

Buffalo Bills: Scoring a touchdown as a rookie in the NFL is not easy. Scoring a touchdown as a rookie while taking a backseat to LeSean McCoy is even more difficult. Scoring a touchdown in six straight games as a rookie while taking a backseat to LeSean McCoy is near impossible. Still, Karlos Williams has managed to do exactly that. It should honestly come as no surprise seeing as though Rex Ryan loves big, bruising backs. Despite missing three games this season, Williams is still the 17th-ranked running back, which is two spots ahead of the aforementioned (much more expensive) LeSean McCoy. In the six games he’s played, Williams is averaging 13.83 fantasy points per game, which would rank him 3rd among all fantasy running backs. Congratulations, Karlos Williams.

Carolina Panthers: I’m just going to come out and say it: Cam Newton. Look, I never said it had to be a surprise, I said they were their team’s fantasy MVP. I considered Greg Olsen for a split second because he ranks 4th among tight ends, an extremely top-heavy position, but what Cam has managed to do without a number one (or even a number two) wide receiver is staggering. Once Kelvin Benjamin went down, nobody wanted to touch Cam with a ten foot pole unless they got him really late in their draft as a backup. A BACKUP!? We’re talking about the 3rd-ranked fantasy quarterback in the league! One of only five players averaging at least 20 fantasy points per game, Newton trails only Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady in total points scored, and he’s just 1 point behind Rodgers. I give Cam all the credit in the world, and you should, too. Oh, and one last thing-the way he’s playing, Cam Newton can dance as much as he damn well pleases and anyone who has a problem with that should go play in traffic. Congratulations, Cam Newton.

Chicago Bears: Jay Cutler. It was as difficult for me to write that as it was for you to read it, trust me, but I can’t really give it to anyone else. Forte was a top-5 pick and has played as such (while on the field). Alshon Jeffery was a top-10 wide receiver taken and has played as such (while on the field). Jeremy Langford has been awesome filling in for Forte, but his value goes away upon the return of Forte. Therefore, I have no other option but to give the award to Cutler. Remove weeks 2 and 3 from the equation (the weeks in which he was hurt) and Cutler is averaging just over 18 fantasy points per game, which would rank him 7th in the league. Congratulations (gag), Jay Cutler.

Cincinnati Bengals: How frustrating is this team when it comes to fantasy football?! Jeremy Hill owners will likely feel it more than anyone else, but I feel bad for A.J. Green owners as well. In Hill’s first six games, he scored 18, -1, 2, 24, 2, 12. That is the very definition of boom or bust. Oh, and A.J. Green? Yeah, don’t let that 10.4 fantasy points per game average fool you because he scored 34 in week 3 against Baltimore. Take that performance away, and it drops his average down to 7.5 points per game. In fact, since that game, he has only scored double-digit points once. ONCE! But I digress…even though the winner of this award has been just as if not more sporadic than Hill and Green, I can’t NOT give it to Tyler Eifert. To say this kid did nothing last year is an overstatement, but he has turned around and become the 3rd-ranked tight end. A position, as I stated above, that is incredibly unreliable and top-heavy. Even though Eifert ranks as the number three tight end behind Rob Gronkowski and Gary Barnidge, he’s actually averaging more points per game (10.7) than Barnidge (10.3). The top four tight ends all average over ten fantasy points per game, but there is a considerable drop-off after that as the 5th-ranked tight end (Travis Kelce) averages a mere 7.8 fantasy points per game. All things considered, Eifert has been a very nice surprise for his fantasy owners, especially in the three games in which he scored over 20 fantasy points. Congratulations, Tyler Eifert.

Cleveland Browns: Gary Barnidge, for all the reasons I just listed above. Aside from Gronkowski, he has been the most reliable tight end week in and week out. He’s come a long way from being a TMZ footnote thanks to his appearance on “Total Divas,” the reality show about WWE Divas (which I watch and love). What? I have a life outside of writing about fantasy football, don’t judge me. Congratulations, Gary Barnidge.

Dallas Cowboys: I feel like this would be a lot easier if anyone on their team could stay healthy or not get suspended. Joseph Randle got everyone’s hopes up after a 27-point day in week 3 against Atlanta, but that was pretty much the extent of his relevance as he went on to suck at running back, suck at staying healthy, then suck at being a good person. He was released and suspended and no one really knows which came first. I could give the award to Darren McFadden, who is averaging 12 fantasy points per game since taking over the starting role, but I’d rather give it to their kicker, Dan Bailey, because Run DMC will drop off…plus I can’t stand the Cowboys or their fans. Oh, you’re a Cowboys fan? Then you shouldn’t be reading this, you should be at home, coloring (Insult credit: Daniel Tosh). Congratulations (TROLLOLOL), Dan Bailey (And in case you’re wondering, this is absolutely an indictment on the rest of their team).

Denver Broncos: Ironically, their fantasy MVP is the only reason they’re anywhere near 7-2: their defense. They scored just 1 fantasy point last week, but I blame that entirely on Peyton Manning, who handed Kansas City the ball in Denver territory what seemed like every possession. I do not blame the defense one bit for Manning’s worst game in his career, in fact I commend them for holding Kansas City to a field goal six times. Not only has their defense scored more fantasy points than anyone else on their team, but they have scored 35 more points than Brandon McManus, who ranks 2nd on the team in fantasy points scored. This defense has scored more touchdowns on the season (5) than Manning has thrown in his last six games (4). What’s even more impressive about their top-ranked fantasy defense is the fact that they have scored 39 more points (124 total) than the Seattle Seahawks’ 2nd-ranked defense (85 total). I never thought I’d live to see the day that the Broncos defense would be winning fantasy matchups for their owners while Peyton Manning was losing matchups at the same time. Congratulations, Denver Broncos defense.

Detroit Lions: uuummmmmmm…..pass. Congratulations, literally nobody.

Green Bay Packers: Aaron Rodgers is the only option here. He has scored  2.3 times as many points as the next highest scoring Packer (James Jones). He was either the first or second quarterback drafted and he is the 2nd-ranked quarterback thus far. He has been worth the high draft pick, which is more than I can say for the other two position players on this team who were drafted early on (Eddie Lacy, who ranks 47th and Randall Cobb, who ranks 25th). Congratulations, Aaron Rodgers.

Houston Texans: Before he tore his ACL (I know, I’m as shocked as you are) this award would go to Arian Foster because those who took a chance on him didn’t have to do so until the later rounds. Obviously, I can’t give it to a guy who basically played three weeks, even though that’s all he needed to score more than 1st rounder C.J. Anderson. Seeing as though no one but DeAndre Hopkins is fantasy-relevant on this team, I’ve got to give it to Hopkins. Defenses know he’s the only real threat and they still can’t stop or even contain him. Ranked 3rd at his position, he has never scored less than 5 fantasy points and only scored single-digits twice. Congratulations, DeAndre “Nuk” Hopkins.

Indianapolis Colts: What in the hell happened to this damn team? None of their players rank higher than 16th at their given positions and Matt Hasselbeck is averaging more fantasy points per game than Andrew Luck. In fact I want to give this award to Hasselbeck, but I’ve trolled enough for one article, so it’s going to Frank Gore, who is averaging almost 10 fantasy points per game despite playing in what feels like his 20th season. Congratulations, Frank Gore.

Jacksonville Jaguars: What in the hell happened to this damn team? They have three players who rank in the top-10 at their respective positions (Blake Bortles, Allen Robinson and Allen Hurns). Who would have thought that the Jaguars would have the highest scoring wide receiver duo in the NFL? Since no one on the Lions got an award, I’m giving out 2 here, one to Hurns and one to Robinson. Robinson has scored double-digit fantasy points in five straight games and Hurns has scored a touchdown in seven straight games. Their record may not be impressive, but their young receivers sure as hell are. Congratulations, Allens.

Kansas City Chiefs: Another tricky one, but I’ll have to give the nod to their defense (Despite recording back-to-back negative point outputs in weeks 3 and 4). Take those two weeks away, and their defense is averaging 11.85 fantasy points per game, and 15.33 in their last three games. They have recorded four straight games with at least two interceptions, something no other defense has done this year. Congratulations, Kansas City Chiefs defense.

Miami Dolphins: After scoring a combined 18 fantasy points in his first four games, Lamar Miller nearly matched that with 17 in his fifth game, then more than doubled that total in his sixth game. It is abundantly clear now that the firing of Joe Philbin (which came about a year too late) and the hiring of Dan Campbell has catapulted Miller’s output. Despite averaging 4.5 fantasy points per game in his first four games (All under Philbin), Miller has recovered to average a staggering 20 fantasy points per game in his last five games (All under Johnson). Congratulations, Lamar Miller. (And as a Lamar Miller owner in nearly every single one of my too-many-to-count fantasy leagues, thank you, Dan Campbell!).

Minnesota Vikings: How damn good is Adrian Peterson? Honestly! Just sit back and try to wrap your head around it. We’ve seen him come back once already so his return this year isn’t news, but it should be. The guy played in one game last year before we was suspended. He sat out basically the entire year, and what does he do upon his return? Just averaging 106.8 yards per game, which puts him on pace for about 1,710 yards on the season. Seriously, am I the only person freaking out over what this man is capable of!? He’s amazing. End of analysis. Congratulations, Adrian Freaking Peterson.

New England Patriots: Dion Lewis would have absolutely won this award if he hadn’t just landed on season-ending IR. The full games in which he played, he averaged 12.2 fantasy points per game. Since it can’t be Lewis, I’m afraid I have to give it to Tom Brady. As much as it pains me to say this, and it is excruciating, Brady is having an incredible season, both from a fantasy perspective and a football perspective. 24.1 fantasy points per game is good for first overall. Five 300+ yard games, one 400+ yard game, multiple touchdown passes in every single game, and just three interceptions. Congratulations (Barf), Tom Brady-Bundchen.

New Orleans Saints: Mark Ingram is very quietly the 3rd-ranked fantasy running back. He is getting just 14.5 carries per game despite averaging 4.6 yards per carry. He rushed for 77 yards on five carries last week. Five. Seriously? At least Brees is throwing his the ball. Ingram has 40 receptions through ten games this season despite hauling in just 53 passes in his first four seasons combined. Good thing they signed C.J. Spiller (SMDH). Congratulations, Mark Ingram.

New York Giants: While it would be easy for me to give this award to kicker Josh Brown, I’m actually going to give that mouth-breather Eli Manning some well-deserved admiration. As the 7th-ranked fantasy quarterback, Eli has gone from backup to starter (from a fantasy perspective). Considering the fact that the only people who drafted him did so to have a capable backup on their bench, I have to give Peyton’s brother credit where credit is due: he’s not doing a horrible job throwing the ball up to Odell Beckham, Jr. Congratulations, Eli Manning.

New York Jets: As much as I want to give it to Eric Decker here, anyone familiar with his days in Denver knows that Decker needs a number one option to take the attention off of him. He faltered as the go-to guy last season, but has thrived so far this year thanks to Brandon Marshall. That’s why Chris Ivory is the Fantasy MVP of the New York Jets. In a season ripe with disappointing running back performances, Ivory has been very steady, reaching double-digit fantasy points in all but two of the games in which he played. The 5th-ranked running back is averaging just over 14 fantasy points per game and has become a must start every week. Congratulations, Chris Ivory.

Oakland Raiders: For the first time in who knows how long, the Raiders have relevant fantasy options. Derek Carr is in the top 10 at the quarterback position, Latavius Murray is in the top 15 at the running back position, and Michael Crabtree and Amari Cooper are both in the top 17 at the wide receiver position. Despite Cooper having a phenomenal rookie campaign so far, Crabtree has been the Fantasy MVP of the Oakland Raiders in my opinion. Crabtree was always a WR2/Flex option in San Francisco when he was healthy, but everyone wrote him off when he was signed by the Raiders, thinking he’s simply going to be the veteran voice for Cooper. While that may in part be true, Crabtree has scored more fantasy points (and touchdowns) than Cooper. He’s averaging 13.75 fantasy points in the last four weeks and has been a very reliable option for those who picked him up off waivers. Congratulations, Michael Crabtree.

Philadelphia Eagles: With so much talk in the offseason about Chip Kelly’s offense, it’s actually his defense that has been getting the job done in the fantasy world. The Eagles defense ranks 5th in fantasy scoring, averaging 10.6 fantasy points per game. They have compiled 12 interceptions, 8 fumble recoveries, and 3 touchdowns through nine games this season. Maybe Chip Kelly got defensive from all the people calling him a racist (LOL). Congratulations, Philadelphia Eagles defense.

Pittsburgh Steelers: We all know that Antonio Brown is by far the best fantasy player on this team, but what if I told you that DeAngelo Williams is the 11th-ranked fantasy running back despite only starting in four of his team’s ten games this season. Williams’ four starts have been a result of Le’Veon Bell‘s suspension, and now his season-ending injury. In those four games, Williams is averaging 20 fantasy points. Dayum. If you were lucky enough to either hold on to him after Bell came back or claim him off waivers, he will carry you the rest of the season. Congratulations, DeAngelo Williams.

San Diego Chargers: Year after year, Philip Rivers is taken in the much later rounds of fantasy drafts, and year after year, Philip Rivers winds up being (at the very least) a top-10 fantasy quarterback. As much as I’d like to give it to Danny Woodhead, who is shockingly the 8th-ranked fantasy running back, he’s been far too inconsistent. Playing Woodhead is the definition of boom-or-bust: In his “boom” games, he’s averaging 17 fantasy points per game. In his “bust” games, he is averaging under 6 fantasy points per game. In lieu of his sporadic ways, I have no choice but to name Rivers the Fantasy MVP of the San Diego Chargers. He’s the 5th-ranked fantasy quarterback and is averaging 20 fantasy points per game. Not much else to say, the guy is just steady. Congratulations, Philip Rivers.

Seattle Seahawks: Russell Wilson (14th-ranked QB), Marshawn Lynch (32nd-ranked RB), and Jimmy Graham (9th-ranked TE) have all been huge busts this season considering how high they were all drafted. They have the 2nd-ranked fantasy defense, but they were (on average) the first defense taken in fantasy drafts. As punishment for none of their stud position players living up to the hype and no one else stepping up, I’m awarding the Fantasy MVP of the Seattle Seahawks to kicker Steven Hauschka. He’s 20-21 this year and has scored 90 fantasy points in ten games, meaning he’s averaging 10 fantasy points per week. Congratulations, Steven Hauschka (And in case you’re wondering, this is absolutely an indictment on the rest of their team).

San Francisco 49ers: No one is ranked higher than 24th at their position, and the guy who is ranked 24th is their kicker, 86-year old Phil Dawson. Pass. The Lions now have some company. Congratulations, literally nobody.

St. Louis Rams: A lot of people (myself included) criticized the Rams for drafting Todd Gurley in the first round of the NFL Draft this year. Tre Mason had a fine season last year and the team is in desperate need of a wide receiver, not to mention Gurley was coming off of a bad injury. Welp, shows what we know. Once the Rams committed to Gurley in week four, he has averaged 17.8 fantasy points per game and scored at least 20 points twice. He is, in my opinion, the best current option at running back in the NFL (from a fantasy perspective). Congratulations, Todd Gurley.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: For as disappointing as Mike Evans has been (32nd-ranked WR), that’s how surprisingly good Doug Martin has been. He’s not quite back to his rookie form, but Martin is averaging 11.4 fantasy points per game, which ranks him 7th at his position. While it has been a bit of boom-or-bust from the Muscle Hamster, Martin has done well in a very disappointing position in fantasy this year. Congratulations, Doug Martin.

Tennessee Titans: Ugh, I really don’t like passing on teams because it makes me look lazy, but the Titans aren’t really giving me much of a choice. Delanie Walker is the 7th-ranked fantasy tight end, but that means very little considering the fact that he averages a meager 7.4 points per game. Whatever, it’s not my fault the tight end position sucks. Congratulation, Delanie Walker…I guess.

Washington Redskins: Yikes, we did not finish strong here, did we? I don’t understand why this team refuses to give Alfred Morris the ball. Sure, he’s averaging a paltry 3.67 yards per carry, but it’s a little difficult to find a rhythm when you’re averaging about 12 carries per game. Matt Jones got everyone excited in week 2 after scoring 24 fantasy points, and then went on to score a combined 16 points in his next six games. Then, once everyone had dropped him, he goes off for 24 points again in week 10. I’d pull out my hair if I didn’t have so little left. I’m going to give it to Jordan Reed. He started strong, got hurt, but has excelled since returning. In his first three games back from injury, Reed has scored five touchdowns and averaged 13.3 fantasy points per game. Yes, two of those games were against New Orleans and Tampa Bay, but if he stays healthy he will be Kick Cousins’ favorite target. Congratulations, Jordan Reed.
And that does it! Let the griping begin. Where did I get it right? Where did I get it wrong? Comment below or feel free to attack me publically on Twitter: @MileHighMario