Academy Awards for your 2017 Colorado Rockies on Oscar night

We at BSN Denver refuse to leave the Colorado Rockies out of tonight’s Oscar festivities and as such, have put together out own very important and elite Academy of deciding important things. The following are the absolutely definitive and not-at-all-subjective selections by this all-knowing committee, a committee that apparently never learned that you don’t hand out awards before any game are played.

I would love to offer you a fancy musical number or some tasteful but edgy comedy touching on the topics of the day and the nominees tonight, but instead i’ll just offer my best fake smile introduce the categories and get back to returning this tux I rented.

And the nominees (with winners in bold) are:

Best Hair and Makeup:

Jon Gray

Charlie Blackmon

Jeff Hoffman

Best Special Effects:

Arenado Web Gems

Carlos Gonzalez third-deck shots

DJ LeMahieu’s contact ability

Adam Ottavino’s Slider

Best Set Design:

Coors Field

Not Coors Field

Best Musical Score:

Charlie Blackmon – Tonight 

Carlos Gonzalez – Whatever Reggaetón song he picks this year

DJ LeMahieu — Turn Down For What?

Best Actor in a Leading Role:

Nolan Arenado – as MPV

Jon Gray – as Cy Young

Bud Black – as The Manager

Greg Holland – as Lockdown Closer

Best Actor in a Supporting Role:

Charlie Blackmon – as Co-MVP

Carlos Gonzalez – as Veteran Leader

DJ LeMahieu – as The Stalwart

Tyler Anderson – The Bulldog

Trevor Story – The Phenomenon

David Dahl – The Rookie

Best Direction:

“Getting Greg Holland”

“The Ian Desmond Acquisition”

“This Bud’s For You: The Bud Black Story”

Uhhhh … “Mike Dunn”

Best Costume Design:

The New Purple Uniforms

The Old Purple Uniforms

Literally all other uniforms

Best Script:

“Rocktober: A Decade Later”

“The Same Old Story”