The Amorphophallus titanum, otherwise known as the Corpse Flower, is a plant from Sumatra that when in bloom, emits a stench that resembles a rotting corpse. Most of us have been lucky enough to not have smelled an actual rotting corpse, so the Corpse Flower is the next best thing. The Botanic Gardens in Denver is displaying a Corpse Flower that bloomed just the other day, filling the Denver air with simulated death.
But if you missed your chance to wait in long lines to smell the Amorphophallus titanum, you can take a whiff of another rotting corpse in Denver: The Colorado Rockies. I was going to wait to write a Rockies eulogy until the season was over, but the 2015 campaign died a long time ago and it’s time to plug our noses and bury it in a shallow grave once again. The only question now is whether it should stay there.
Walt Weiss’s recent comments in the Denver Post really drove home the point that the future of the Rockies is dead and gone when he said he plans to return for the 2016 season. The collective sigh wheezed by all Rockies fans at this news all but guaranteed that we will have years of stinky corpse-like stench to get accustomed to at 20th and Blake.
I appreciate Weiss’s interest in seeing it through but the fact that he wants to come back and manage this carcass combined with the supposed desire of Rockies management wanting him back, should make you gag like you’ve just got a full blast of a Sumatran stink flower.
Take one look at the Chicago Cubs and Houston Astros and you’ll see what superior management – in the front office and on the field – has done for these former laughingstocks of MLB. Coors Field East has turned things around quickly with the simple addition of a damn good manager in Joe Maddon and the intricate dance of fostering young talent. And while the Cubs are now pushing for Wild Card spot, the Astros – a team that is usually awful – has drafted well and is now leading the AL West.
The Rockies have done exactly the opposite of these two teams that were right where they were just a season prior. They have failed to develop talent and they have kept a manager around who seems well in over his head simply because he’s inexpensive and does what he’s told. I don’t blame Weiss. Most of us would take a job like this and wait for them to kick us out. He’s not the problem. The problem is with the upper management that, despite multiple losing seasons, thinks it’s a great idea to keep this guy around.
The Rockies have surprised us this season by trading Troy Tulowitzki, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility for them to pull yet another 180 and fire Weiss after this season. But who would want to come in and manage this mess? Certainly not someone who will do the bidding of Monfort/Bridich and keep his mouth shut when every instinct in the world is telling him to do the opposite. Joe Maddon would have never picked the Rockies because of its bungling front office. And until that changes, the Rockies will only have failed retreads and high school coaches to choose from.
We knew this season was doomed in May so I could have easily written this Rockies paean to failure back then. But like the suckers we are, we gave it just one more week and checked the calendar to see when football starts to pinpoint when we can officially not care anymore. We arrived at that point two weeks ago, now we’re just wondering where to dump the body.
At the Botanic Gardens, they offered barf bags for people taking a whiff of the Corpse Flower in case they vomited. Next season, Coors Field should offer the fans one too because what you’re going to see on the field over the next few seasons is going to make you ralph. The Corpse Flower was a limited time engagement. The Rockies stink unfortunately is not.
